“Make Room – I’m Jogging Here” Insists Big Important Man

PATHETIC walkers ranging from young to old are being reminded today to push over on the footpath as there are big important men and women jogging here, thanks.

Laced with body juice and seemingly exempt from all social distancing measures, joggers have vowed to plow through people like a train while ‘forgetting’ to apologise for all the slobbering, spluttering and phlegm snorting they do.

“Do you know how long I’ve been jogging on this footpath?” pointed out exercise enthusiast Cormac Walsh, who likes to keep dead centre of any walkway of his choosing, “besides, I’m way healthier than anyone out there so absolutely no danger catching anything from me, I’m pure unadulterated health personified”.

Forcing out parents with disabled children, ageing adults and whatever other inconsiderate humans are now flocking onto the street, joggers advised that all these people should stay inside their homes and not to risk walking as it’s not even a ‘proper exercise’.

“Why are you people even bothering? You’re just getting in the way of real fitness people who actually break a sweat and look good while doing it, as opposed to, well, you cretins” added another tunnel visioned runner, hellbent on making his point, “it’s too dangerous out here anyway; we’re running too fast to catch anything”.

The Association of Joggers have since advised that if pairs of people insist on their puny walking sessions, to pick either the path or the road, and not to take up both to avoid confusing and embarrassing altercations.