Drinking In Wetherspoons: A Guide
IF IT’S one thing the Irish love, it’s drink. If it’s two things, it’s cheap drink. Throw in cheap food, and you’ve a business model that’s just crazy enough to succeed in the demanding Irish drinking market!
With more and more Wetherspoons outlets starting to pop up around Ireland, it may seem like traditional Irish boozers could be in trouble… but there’s a few things you should be aware of before you ditch your trusty watering hole:
No farting, no fighting, no fucking
Wetherspoons is less of a pub, and more of a shop that sells pints. As such, it just doesn’t feel right to let rip with a big Guinness fart in the middle of it. While there are no signs up to say this, it is heavily implied.
Similarly, patrons are asked to refrain from getting into fistfights over land disputes dating back three generations, and the disabled access toilets are for actual disabled people, and not for storing the rolling mop bucket or getting a quick one from someone you just met.
Wake rules apply
Drinking at Wetherspoons is like drinking at a wake. One must maintain a sense of propriety, keep the noise at an appropriate level, not get overly pissed and do all this while wondering if it’s okay that there’s so many kids running around.
It’s always Happy Hour
A lot of pubs claim that its ‘always Happy Hour’, but in Wetherspoons it’s actually true. The drink is always cheap and the food is always plentiful, and they’re helpfully served at the same temperature. You get a colouring sheet with crayons with every order (even if you didn’t bring kids), and you have a chance of adding to the profits of a company run by a prominent Brexiteer who, we’re sure, loves Ireland and everyone in it. Enjoy!