FULLY EMBRACING the concept of Dry January one local man has funneled some quick-dry cement up his nostrils in a bid to curb his use of cocaine over the coming weeks. Expanding on what some consider ‘drastic action’, local man John Shothall explained that he had found Dry January quite easy to complete in previous… Read more »
ONE LOCAL adult male has failed to shake off the insecurity which governs his fear of being judged and singled out when it comes to alcohol consumption and therefore has decided to continue ‘loving’ the substance along with his friends on nights out, WWN can reveal. “Ah fuckin’ love the pints so I do,” confrimed… Read more »
IF IT’S one thing the Irish love, it’s drink. If it’s two things, it’s cheap drink. Throw in cheap food, and you’ve a business model that’s just crazy enough to succeed in the demanding Irish drinking market! With more and more Wetherspoons outlets starting to pop up around Ireland, it may seem like traditional Irish… Read more »
LOCAL man and expert level masturbater Ciaran Callerty has awoken to a severe hangover and little recollection of the night before. However, piecing the night back together may be an easier task than first appeared as Callerty made a discovery in the moments after initially waking up. “I wasn’t in my bed, I was on… Read more »
A NEW bill which will allocate a dedicated drink driving lane on all primary and secondary roads around the country is expected to be passed in the Dáil tomorrow afternoon, WWN can confirm. The segregated lane will feature sophisticated crash barriers that absorb high speed impacts, allowing intoxicated motorists willing to take their own lives into their hands to drive separately from sober lanes without… Read more »
WITH Dry January almost out of the way, the vast majority of Irish people are looking to get themselves out of their self-imposed alcohol-free shackles and start making up for some serious lost drinking time. But with finances still shaky after Christmas, how can one be expected to get blackout drunk on a tight budget?… Read more »
WATERFORD man Ian O’Cahill doesn’t need his wife Helen to remind him about ‘how he gets after a few pints’ every single time he leaves to go to the pub, because he knows how he gets after a few pints; he gets awesome. “I’ve been drinking for 20 straight years” said O’Cahill, 32. “I know… Read more »
SOME of the world’s leading brain scientists believe that they may have isolated a group of synapses deep within the human brain that causes otherwise rational people to hit the pub on a weekday, even though they’ve got fuck all funds and a load of bills due. The neural area, provisionally known as the Fuckit… Read more »
A NEW study probably carried out by Americans who can’t drink for shit anyway has claimed that there is no safe level of alcohol consumption and that 2.8 million people die every year from drink related diseases. The fucking stupid report, which obviously didn’t read about all the other cool studies that say alcohol is… Read more »
IRISH doctors have heralded the evolution of some test subjects who have grown a second liver to compensate for their heavy drinking which was previously wreaking havoc on their bodies, WWN has learned. With 3 alcohol related deaths occurring in Ireland everyday, some heavy drinkers have accelerated the rate of their physiological evolution to grow… Read more »