WWN Parenting: How To Make Sure Your Partner Knows You’re More Miserable Than They Are

PARENTING is tough. Young children will tax you every moment of the day, meaning you and your partner will need to work together and support each other to make sure the home is as tranquil and stress free as possible.

Alternatively, you can make sure to let your partner know that no matter how hard their ‘turn’ minding the child/children was, you have it ten times worse and therefore you deserve some sort of special praise or a prize or something.

Being the number 1 martyr in the house isn’t easy, so here’s a few things to keep in mind.

Always escalate

If your partner claims that they had to get up at 4am with the baby, remind them that you had to get up at 3am the night before. They only got 5 hours sleep this week? Well, you only got 4. Baby puked on them? Hey, that’s nothing; it shit all over you the other day. Whatever misery your partner experienced, be sure to comment immediately outlining that you had it worse. Offer no comfort, propose no solutions, just get stuck into some misery one-upmanship for no real reason whatsoever.

Do more than your share

Volunteer to do more, at all times. ‘No, you rest. I’ll mind the baby’, ‘you eat your dinner while it’s hot, I’ll have mine later’, ‘I’ve been up for 26 hours straight, what’s 9 more?’ These are all ways to make sure that you can back up your argument that you’re the hardest working person that ever lived, and you’re getting fuck all help but that’s okay, you’re used to it. Your partner will feel terrible, and you’ll have won… something?

Mope

Stare into the distance. Act like all belonging to you is lost. If offered a break, just ask what the point would be. Now is not the time to start pulling together as a family! You’re this close to getting a full house at Misery Bingo!