Big Coats, Immersions, No Stretch In The Evenings: It’s About To Get Irish As Fuck


STRAP in folks. With the changing of the seasons, the dropping temperatures and the nights closing in, your daily conversations are about to get so fucking Irish it’ll make you shit a Blarney stone.

Experts are predicting that the next four months might be the most Irish of all time, with record numbers of people taking the discussion about ‘getting the big coat out’ and ‘accidentally leaving the immersion on’ to more social media platforms and messaging apps than ever before.

Couple this with a Christmas where the tins of Roses are set to be the smallest they’ve ever been, and you’ve got what some people are calling a recipe for the ‘perfect storm’ of Irish insufferableness.

“You’ve got Whatsapp, you’ve got Snapchat, every day you’ve got a new dot I-E website running lists of the most Irish things ever… it’s going to be a nightmare,” said Dr. Sean Hannilan, researcher at the Irish Society Of Ireland.

“Those small-talk conversations you used to have in the pub with some lad you barely knew, about how ‘the nights are gone’… those are now the most important online currency available. The big coat, the big duvet, the big socks… Irish people just love the tropes of winter more than anything else in the world. Get ready to hear all about it”.

The impending flood of Irishness has prompted many people to flee the country in a bid to not hear the same shit over and over again for four months.