Dublin Bus Strike Leaves Local Man With Nowhere To Be Racist

AS INDUSTRIAL action by Dublin Bus workers rolls into its second day, the ensuing disruption is playing havoc with the plans of thousands of commuters, tourists, and people who like nothing better than to racially abuse people while on public transport.

One such racist, Dublin native Ian Gahoon, will be again forced to find somewhere else that he can mutter racial slurs at people and give off a threatening vibe to total strangers; something that he isn’t very happy about.

“I normally take the bus into town, mutter something at the driver if he isn’t white, then take a seat in one of the priority seats, so that I can have the perfect excuse to start a ‘here, this is my country, I have more of a right to be on this bus than you’ style attack with a pregnant Nigerian woman,” said Gahoon, reeling from a full day of not being a prick.

“Where am I supposed to go now? You try that shit in a taxi and they fuck you out, there’s bouncers at every chipper so I can’t stroll in, order a kebab and then start calling them ISIS or something… there’s the train, sure, but you just don’t get the same buzz off it, and sometimes there’s them security lads with the batons and the stab vests. The bus drivers don’t care about lads like me, they’re just in it for themselves”.

With further strike action on the cards, Gahoon has considered switching from racism to making sexual threats to passing women, just to tide him over.