12-Year-Old Diving Prodigy Signs For Manchester United


THERE was delight in the house of 12-year-old Dublin soccer star Liam Hennessy this morning, as the youngster received news that his on-pitch skills at throwing himself to the ground and crying for a free kick have scored him a development contract with Manchester United.

Hennessy’s diving had drawn a great deal of interest from a wide number of football scouts, who came to witness his ability to win penalties and frees despite no opposing player being anywhere near him at the time.

Playing for St. Alexanders, his local team, Hennessy has chalked up an impressive average of 11 dead ball situations per game over a single year of under-12s competition, making him an enticing prospect for several Premier League teams.

“In terms of cheating ability, he’s leagues ahead of anyone else we looked at,” said Terry Handley, head of talent acquisition for Manchester United.

“We’re impressed with his pace at going to ground, his convincing screams of agony, and his 100% hit rate when it comes to convincing the referee to give the other player a red card. We’re going to bring him onboard to our initial development camps as we would with any other player, but we’re fairly certain that it’s just a formality: this kid is going to be a huge name in professional football before he’s 20”.

In a short interview, Liam’s parents spoke of how proud they are of their little superstar, and how they hope other kids can follow his example and learn how to win by any means necessary.