Rafa Benitez Confirms Van Gaal Has Gone ‘Full Benitez’


FORMER Liverpool and Chelsea manager Rafa Benitez has confirmed today that Louis Van Gaal’s recent press conference in which he bandied about meaningless stats displays all the hallmarks of going ‘full Benitez’.

The condition now known as ‘full Benitez’ is so called after an incident involving the Spaniard during his time at Anfield. “I remember it vividly I became momentarily addicted to this word, ‘fact’, I was lost myself to it in a fit of rage and upset,” Benitez told WWN.

With the benefit of hindsight Benitez has judged Van Gaal’s response to claims from West Ham manager Sam Allardyce that Manchester United played long ball tactics to be ‘full Benitez’ in the extreme.

“It is my worry for him, that he does not come back from this,” explained the current Napoli manager who has since set up the Benitez Foundation to help managers who, according to the foundation’s website ‘flip the fuck out, lose the plot and/or finally snap’.

Manchester United have denied that Van Gaal is the individual responsible for covering the entire facade of Upton Park in copies of his team’s passing stats, further adding to the intrigue surrounding his outburst.

Van Gaal’s team have carved out several hard fought victories this year, but have displayed next to no attacking flair, leading to some pressure from United fans.

Benitez has not yet reached out to Van Gaal but appealed to the Dutch manager to let go of obsessing over trivial and frankly incomprehensible break downs of meaningless possession and passing stats.

Managers currently seeking help at the Benitez Foundation are Leicester’s Nigel Pearson and long time sufferer and constant relapse victim Kevin Keegan.