Garda Warning As Exiled Cannabis Fiend May Attempt Xmas Return To Ireland

GARDAÍ have issued a nationwide warning this evening after sources on the ground confirmed that one of the country’s most infamous cannabis fiends is expected to return to Ireland for the Christmas period. Cork city’s special response unit is to appoint an extra 4,000 specially trained, armed gardaí in preparation for cannabis kingpin Ava Barry’s arrival from well-known drug haven, Holland, where she… Read more »

Miserable Person Waits Patiently Behind Front Door To Avoid Saying Hello To Neighbor

PAUSING completely like a scared animal after hearing a noise on the other side of the door, a miserable man waits patiently inside his house, in the dark, for his neighbour to enter the adjacent apartment, in a bid to leave without being forced to say “hello”, thus maintaining minimum human interaction. “Wait a second, wait, there’s someone …”, he… Read more »

Local Man Doesn’t Recognise Catalonia’s Independence

WATERFORD man Tommy Brophy will not recognize Catalonia’s declaration of independence from Spain, it has been confirmed today. The full-time son of two made the statement shortly after the political turmoil in Spain intensified on Friday as the Madrid government dismissed Catalonia’s president and parliament hours after the region declared independence. “Who the fuck are Caledonia… Read more »

How To Cook Raw Sewage

WITH 10 tonnes of raw sewage being pumped into rivers and seas around Ireland every minute, it is more important now than ever to learn how to cook it thoroughly, thus insuring the best nutritional value from your locality’s urban waste. The brilliant thing about raw sewage is the fact that it is free and conveniently distributed to a total of 44… Read more »

​BREAKING: Limerick Man Swears He Didn’t Invite Facebook Friend To Messenger There

A LIMERICK city man has denied any accountability after a conversation with one of his Facebook friends ended with an impromptu invite to the social network’s messenger phone application. According to the Facebook message, James Tobin, (52), who lives on the Ballysimon road, allegedly invited long-time friend Denis Carberry to the chat, despite it being… Read more »