Local Man Never Goes Out New Years

A COUNTY Waterford man has left family members, friends and neighbours speechless today following an announcement which has left many questioning his life choices after claiming to never go out on New Years eve. Despite it being collectively celebrated by billions of people around the world, David Kennedy slammed New Years eve as “a sham”, stating he would… Read more »

“We Better Wash The Car Today” Decides Entire Nation

THE nation of Ireland in its entirety has today collectively decided to wash their cars today, WWN can confirm. Despite the limited number of car wash locations operating on Christmas eve, absolutely every car owner in the country queued patiently for automatic and manual car washes, blissfully unaware of other days in the calendar year that they could have chosen. “I was… Read more »

Milk Nicer Out Of Cups, Insist Culchies

THE National Culchie Association of Ireland (NCAI) has published its annual report into things it likes, with milk tasting better in cups being their number one favourite. Speaking at Dublin castle today, and for no apparent reason, chairman Paddy Cooney listed off an array of different things that rural Irish people voted for in 2017, including… Read more »

“It’s Not The Pay, I Just Want To Ruin Everyone’s Christmas” Ryanair Pilot Speaks Out

FOLLOWING news that Ryanair pilots are to strike five days before Christmas starting on the 20th of December, we speak to Captain Cathal Murray, a longtime pilot for the troubled airline. “Every time there’s a strike or string of flight delays, I like to sit here and watch people’s faces as their little hearts break,” 49-year-old Cathal… Read more »

Council Worker Never Gets Turn On The Little Digger

FRESH reports have confirmed that local council worker, Mark Shevlin, is ‘this close’ to complaining to his foreman about how he always gets stuck on ‘Stop/Go’ duty, and never gets a turn on the little Hi-Mac digger thing instead. Now on his fourth year with Waterford County Council, Shevlin spoke exclusively to WWN about ‘having an arsefull’… Read more »

Homeless Lads Agree To Do 12 Kerbs Of Christmas

A PLUCKY group of rough-sleepers are getting ready for this year’s 12 Kerbs Of Christmas, their now-traditional attempt to sleep on twelve different doorsteps, kerbs, alleys and benches around Dublin city centre between the 1st of December and Christmas Day itself. “This’ll be the fourth year we’ve tried it” smiled Ciaran, the 36-year-old Dublin native… Read more »