Israeli War Crimes < Eurovision

RTÉ have urged the country not to bother looking into the litany of atrocities carried out by the Israeli government against the people of Palestine between now and the Eurovision Song Contest in Tel Aviv on May 16th, as they may dampen the nation’s enthusiasm for catchy tunes and a dazzling stage show.

The statement comes following the announcement of Ireland’s entry this year, a wonderfully original instant pop classic that is almost certain to scoop us Europe’s biggest music prize, despite calls to boycott the event due to Israel’s ongoing persecution of the ever-shrinking state of Palestine.

With the massive ad revenue available for showing the conscience-free event, a spokesperson for RTÉ said that the state broadcaster weighed up the pros and cons of turning our back on Israel while they continue to rack up war crimes and found the scales tipping heavily towards ‘let’s go’.

“The song is called 22, and we love it” said RTÉ, clearing space in their safe for a wodge of cash.

“We were a bit worried when we saw the title, because we thought it would be a political thing like the 22 Palestinians that were shot in the back by Israeli forces during a peaceful protest in January, or perhaps the 67-year-old blind, wheelchair-bound Palestinian imam who was killed by an Israeli gunship on the 22nd of March, 2004,  or even the 22-year-old Palestinian man who had his head blown off in a pre-dawn raid by Israeli forces in the early hours of a December morning last year… but no, it’s just a catchy pop song, so it’s just perfect for maybe getting us to the actual final”.

RTÉ have began running information pieces during ad breaks to remind people that Israelis are traditionally white while Palestinians are traditionally brown, just to remind people who the bad guys are here.