National Broadband Plan Consists Of Two Cans Joined By String


THE government has moved to quell dissent in regards to the lack of progress of the National Broadband Plan by revealing their latest development in the long-running saga; a custom-built lightning-fast communication device consisting of two empty bean cans linked by a length of twine.

With vast areas of the nation still waiting on high-speed broadband for businesses and homes, the government has come under pressure to deliver on the National Broadband Plan, initially proposed in 2012 and beset by setbacks ranging from logistical and technological issues, as well as a lack of political gain to be made from it.

However, the Department Of Communications has announced its tin-can stop-gap measure to the problem which will ‘keep people going’ until they can figure out how to get another few years out of empty promises.

“Fibre power? Oh, this baby is fibre powered alright” said a spokesperson for the department, demonstrating the short-range capabilities of the new ‘Cán’ device, developed at a cost of dozens and branded at a cost of millions.

“We’ll have these linking business to a central hub with an operator who has a fair to middling 4G signal, and he can answer any question you like. You want a mail sent to somewhere? Just yell it down the can. Porn? Our man will talk you off in no time. Amazon? Sure isn’t there a shop up the road from you? Netflix? It’s all shite anyways, you don’t need it”.

Meanwhile, the plan has predictably brought forward a small group of rural protestors who claim that the cans-and-strings device causes cancer and brain tumours.