74 Houses Built For Workshy Non-Voters In 2018

THE government has announced that a sum total of 74 social housing units were built by Dublin City Council in 2018, to go to ungrateful families who will doubtlessly never remember the great work done by Fine Gael when it comes time to stick an X on a ballot paper.

The 74 homes, which include 69 prefabs that are plenty good for people who aren’t paying rent, were built as part of the Department Of Housing efforts to gain support for Fine Gael among a sector of the electorate who rarely bother to vote, for all the good it will do the party come election time.

Ruing every cent spent on housing, the Department went on to buy a few turnkey apartments here and there, as well as regenerate the odd house as well, bringing to 651 the total number of houses available to the thousands of families on the waiting list, with the department adding that this is ‘unlikely’ to translate to 651 votes.

“See, this is why we don’t bother about housing the poor too much,” said a spokesperson for the Department of Housing, who has his own house and votes Fine Gael all the time, he’ll have you know.

“What benefit does it do us? Come polling day, this lot are probably going to be doing drugs or gambling or eating Findas Crispy Pancakes or doing other poor shit. Take away the prefabs, sorry, the ‘wonderful modular homes’ we built last year and you’ve got 6 new houses. For a shower of workshy non-voters, I think that’s plenty”.

Meanwhile, people on the housing list have been advised to wear FG merchandise the next time they head in to the council offices, in a bid to gain favour with officials and speed up their applications.