Muslim Man Dreading Flight Beside Family With Small Child

LOCAL Muslim Sidiq Almasi is currently dreading the three-hour flight he is about to board, after spotting a couple with a newborn baby who appear to be boarding the same plane.

“Ah bollocks”, said Almasi in an exclusive interview with WWN as he sat at gate 324 in Dublin airport, on his way to Italy on holidays with his wife.

“Look, I don’t want to be ‘babyist’ or anything, but I really hope that kid isn’t on the flight with us. I’m just saying, you never know with these babies whether they’re the good kind or the scream-for-three-hours kind”.

33-year-old Almasi went on to stress that it’d be “just his luck” to be on the one flight where a young child kicked off properly, adding that he’s already noticed a lot of people checking their boarding pass to see if they’re sharing a flight with the possibly radical infant.

“Okay, I’ll just say it – have one plane for all the babies, okay? They have their plane, we have ours,” said Almasi, who just wanted a nice peaceful flight where he could read his Kindle in peace.

“Anyone who shows up to the airport in a babygro, they’re on one flight with all the other babies and they can go as fucking mental as they like. Honestly, air travel would be so much easier if they just banned babies altogether. Getting through security takes ages with parents checking buggies and bottles of formula, everyone on the plane is just tense and anxious the whole time… you can try and be as liberal as you want, but your heart just sinks when you see a baby in the airport, right?”

98% of people surveyed have agreed that flying in the company of small children is one of the most common holiday dreads, with everyone agreeing that a terrorist hijacking is preferable to a baby sicking milk up over you.