PRESIDENT elect Donald Trump has announced today that he is going to “pretend to leave his business empire to his children” in a bid to distance himself from perceived conflicts of interest.
Speaking to his millions of Facebook followers, Mr. Trump quashed growing fears that he may take advantage of his new role by telling everyone that he will not meddle in his own affairs over the next four years, stating that his children will take full control of absolutely everything he owns and runs.
“I’ve asked my children to pretend to run the business while I’m busy at the White House, and not to listen to any advice or instructions from me regarding my global empire,” he wrote, with his tiny hands, “Seriously, they’ll do a great job. The best job. I trust them more than I trust me. In God even. They’re so great at business. Like me.
“I won’t even ask my children ‘how’s daddy’s companies doing?’, even though they’re mine. That’s not me. That’s not how I work while president. Not even once. I wouldn’t lie to you. I’ve got to say these things because they’re on my case”.
Mr. Trump went on to cement his claim, stating that he is going to throw away his phone, and that he won’t even talk to his children until his term is over, so as not to interfere.
“It will be tough. I love my children. Especially my daughter. I will keep pictures of them in the Oval office. Believe me, the best pictures I can find,” he went on, “My hotels, golf courses, casinos; they won’t even cross my mind. I don’t even have to do this, but I’ll be too busy building that wall and making America great again to care about the businesses I spent decades developing. Magical time for America. The best”.
It is not clear whether Donald Trump will refrain from entering Trump Tower while president, but he did confirm plans are already on their way to erect a similar 58 story building on the White House lawn.