ABSENTMINDEDLY trotting out her go-to phrase she hopes diffuses whatever family tensions have arisen now, local mother Eve Carton has once again confirmed “sure, you know what your father’s like”. “I don’t even listen to whatever the kids are complaining about now, I just read the frustration on their faces and tell them he’s not… Read more »
RECENT publicity around the recent run of rollover jackpots and a failure of ticket holders to get their hands on the big prize has seen greater scrutiny of the inner workings of the Irish lottery. However, despite suggestions that the Lotto was better back in the good old days when it was hosted by Eamon… Read more »
USING secret, nebulous science and cutting edge news technology WWN has gained access to a future in which Conor McGregor, recently taking to Twitter to slam the government’s response to a surge in Covid cases, is the sole person in charge of Ireland’s Covid strategy: All daily briefings become pay-per-view via UFC Fight Pass. Unable… Read more »
SOME of the finest geographical scientists in the world are to visit Ireland this week, to see if they can get to the bottom of the bizarre magnetic disruptions that causes the occasional reversal of magnetic polarity when people are setting off on a journey. Although many people are able to correctly state the direction… Read more »
THE soaring rates of cocaine usage in every city, town, village and townland in Ireland is causing huge confusion among the dating population, according to a new survey that shows the meaning of ‘doing a line’ has tipped in favour of drug-taking. “I was out on a Tinder meet-up with a lad and he asked… Read more »
IN A wholly independent report, the government confirmed that those unvaccinated against Covid-19 are solely to blame for the fact the government has consistently failed to raise ICU bed capacity to recommended levels, despite warnings going back to 2009 and beyond. “Twelve long years and many many reports from the HSE and pleas from healthcare… Read more »
IN THE LATEST instalment of WWN’s Voices series, we give a platform to someone we really shouldn’t. Today is the turn of local man and Bryan Dobson sex doll enthusiast, Geoff Clackin, who like an end to the intrusive questions. “People’s private lives are their own business. To be honest it’s plain nosiness and you’re… Read more »
IRELAND has become the premier location for the world’s leading tech companies to plonk a data centre in, but is this a good thing for the country? WWN weighs up the pros and cons: Pro: There will be some work for builders who would otherwise face unemployment in Ireland as there is no other demand… Read more »
A LOCAL woman has been left fearing the worst after setting her eyes on a single, solitary magpie, WWN can report. Clíodhna Hennity, not one for taking chances, has taken the hint provided by the little black and white portent of doom and has now begun preparing her body and mind for a near-guaranteed onslaught… Read more »
“A BIT Of balance and respect isn’t too much to ask for,” offered local Catholic Jonathan Cady, who felt too much emphasis in the media is placed on the Church’s track record of overseeing unrelenting acts of horror in Ireland. “I’m sick of the sensationalism too; ‘they fought against marriage equality’ this, ‘they hid child… Read more »