Tag: britain

DUP Won’t Nominate Deputy First Minister Unless British Government Buys Them Pony

SENDING SHOCKWAVES through the political world, DUP leader Jeffrey Donaldson has suggested the unthinkable: his party will bring down the Stormont before it even has a chance to form because it’s not happy that the Northern Ireland protocol, which his party made inevitable through its advocating for Brexit, still exists. “We won’t nominate a deputy… Read more »

Top 10 Pornhub Searches From Westminster Revealed

REPORTS that a Tory frontbencher was accessing pornographic material on his phone in the House Of Commons has prompted an audit of the British parliament’s wi-fi server, which has revealed some very specific fetishes and kinks among MPs. Of the thousands upon thousands of searches carried out on popular porn website ‘Pornhub’ within the walls… Read more »

Things Boris Johnson Would Actually Resign Over

BRITISH Crime Minister Boris Johnson has been fined by police for breaching lockdown rules and attending a Downing St lockdown party but early indications suggest there’s more chance of it snowing on the sun during an Elvis concert than of the Tory leader actually resigning. This despite the fact the lying liar lied about lying… Read more »

Pure Coincidence New Channel 4 Owner Will Be Tory Donor

BORIS JOHNSON’S Tory government has confirmed that it will be a completely innocent coincidence when Channel 4 is privatised and purchased by a Tory donor through a shell company in which he or she is the largest shareholder. “When the successful bidder is eventually identified as a major donor having been selected by the Tory… Read more »

Brexit Actually Like Carpet Bombing Own Cities, Johnson Told

IN RESPONSE to Boris Johnson controversially comparing Ukrainians fighting back against the Russia invasion of their country to Britain voting to leave the EU, people with working brains and rudimentary understanding of the world have been quick to help the British PM understand that the comparison doesn’t quite fit. “Brexit would be more like if… Read more »

Boris Johnson Reveals Yoga Practice That Allows Him To Wriggle Out Of Anything

BRITISH Prime Minister Boris Johnson has finally let the secret of his scandal-dodging success slip, after revealing that a lifetime of Yoga exercises has left him with the inner calm needed to navigate the countless political quagmires he’s found himself in. Dubbed ‘the Bullingdon stretches’ by Boris (as he believed the word ‘Yoga’ sounded too… Read more »