FIFA Confirm Every Person On Planet Has Qualified For 2026 World Cup


AS PART of its quest to sell the soul of the game to the highest bidder, FIFA have confirmed that the 2026 version of the World Cup tournament will be an enhanced format with extra participants, requiring the entire earth’s population to participate.

“What a special day, today I feel qualified for the World Cup,” confirmed FIFA president Gianni Infantino, one of 8 billion people set to line out in the US, Canada and Mexico held tournament which is set to be the purest form of exactly what fans haven’t been calling for.

“If you can believe it, some people doubted this idea but I personally can’t wait for the crunch Group X tie on match day 127 between Greenland and Mirconesia”.

Not content with the 32-format which has proved since its introduction to be a perfectly serviceable format with few flaws, Infantino confirmed the new 48-team tournament will be sponsored by the Wagner mercenary group and have several games take place on discarded barrels of oil in the Indian ocean.

“We will need some people to invent more countries so that our 292-team tournament can fill out the 146 two-team groups which will see every person play each other at least 18 times in the new bite-sized 30 minute games live-streamed on a video app called VideoSlave,” Infantino added, before clarifying the app’s name is a bit misleading as it might appear the app is run by slaves when in fact it is powered by electricity generated by the pulped corpses of slaves.

“Aha, I bet you thought you could accuse FIFA of tone deaf hypocrisy and blatant money-grabbing villainy but not this time!” concluded Infantino.