Hungover Man Thanks The Good Lord Jesus For Second Bank Holiday
WATERFORD man Marcus O’Weir had expressed doubt about the validity of the government’s ‘bonus bank holiday’ the day after St. Patrick’s Day, but now that it’s here along with possibly one of the worst hangovers he’s ever experienced in his adult life, he’s a changed man.
“Consider me a Fianna Fáil/ Fine Gael man for life,” stated O’Weir as he did his best to keep a litre of Dioralyte down and his feet on the ground after a mammoth 16-hour drinking session at yesterday’s St. Patrick’s Day festivities.
“At first I thought it was just a meaningless gesture, a platitude, a measly offering after two years of crippling lockdowns and Covid mismanagement, but now that the entirety of my insides have turned to scorching lava, I’d like to thank Leo and Micheál and add that if they need anyone to help canvass in the area, I’m here for them”.
Elsewhere, O’Weir’s statements were echoed by healthcare professionals who had also initially felt hard done by when the announcement of a second bank holiday was made.
“We thought it was an insult to us after working ourselves ragged on the frontline for two years, but in reality it’s given us a great opportunity to tend to an A&E department of drunk fuckers with injuries from fighting or falling down for not just one day, but a whole four day weekend,” said one nurse we spoke to, with what may have been a slight tinge of sarcasm.