A LEAKED itinerary for the upcoming two-day Fianna Fáil ‘think-in’ has shown that almost the entire first day has been set aside for griping about their coalition partners Fine Gael, with the remaining 24 hours divided up thusly:
– The morning of day two will feature a one hour reminiscence on how great the old think-ins used to be, before that Cowan interview bollocksed everything up
– Two hours is designated as ‘chanting time’, with all members expected to hold hands and chant ‘We’re Fianna Fáil’ while pounding their chests in a ‘Wolf Of Wall Street’ style. This is to combat the growing sense that FF are a party without identity thanks to years of confidence and supply agreements with FG, anti-Pro Choice stances and hundreds of other issues. It is also a great way to warm up the vocal chords before the next session, which is:
– An hour of non-stop screaming into pillows, marked on the itinerary as the ‘let it all out’ hour.
– Following a break for lunch, members will be handed a pebble each. Whoever gets the marked pebble will be sacrificed to appease the vengeful spirit of Charles Haughey. This is expected to take an hour, tops.
– The housing crisis, the HSE, the Children’s Hospital, the Mica issue in Donegal, social welfare, and issues surrounding the Mother and Baby Home survivors redress are all marked down for one hour under ‘miscellaneous’.
– Any remaining time at the end of day two will be handed over to the floor, for anyone who wants one last swipe at Fine Gael. There is no mention of the Green Party.
Also noted at the bottom of the leaked memo is a stern warning not to ask ‘where’s all the FG lads?’ after arriving at the hotel.