Lads In Park Just Going To Leave Empty Cans Out For The Fairies To Tidy

HUNDREDS of empty cans, bottles, fast-food wrappers and other such general items of rubbish have disappeared overnight from Ireland’s parks, canals and seasides, proof of the existence of a special team of ‘wee folk’ dedicated to keeping the Emerald Isle nice and clean.

“It’s amazing really that such a service is available to us” said one Waterford man we spoke to, out having a few cans with his pals as the sun shone down over the weekend.

“We can drink this slab of cans between us, and just walk away leaving the empties behind and then in the morning, all is grand again. Some say you shouldn’t leave your rubbish behind you, but we don’t want to be doing the litter fairies out of a job now do we? In some ways, we’re providing a service to them”.

With many calling for an increase in rubbish bins to help keep litter to a minimum in parks and public areas, there have been calls to ‘leave things the way they are’ as it may offend the little people if we deprive them of their precious empty Kopperberg cans.

“Even the government agree, given the rate they’ve removed public bins over the last few years” mused another lady we spoke to, adding a Smirnoff bottle to the collection pile for the Phoenix Park pixies.

“So we just leave the shit here. Sometimes we’ll leave it piled up in heaps beside an overflowing rubbish bin. We wouldn’t want to look like total slobs, you know?”.

The litter fairies are said to be helped at all times by the hedge piss gremlins, as well as the dogshit-in-bags goblins.