The Grinch Who Stole Christmas Takes Up New Role At NPHET


BOLSTERING their capacity to issue recommendations and advice, the CMO confirmed in a press conference that the Grinch should suffice.

Citing the Who-ville resident’s past experience with Christmas cancelling measures, NPHET have given mean Mr. Grinch oversight in all aspects of future recommendations that would involve tempering expectations that Christmas 2020 will be in anyway ‘normal’.

“Thankfully Mr. Grinch took up our invite to join NPHET, and whereas we take absolutely no pleasure in reminding people there is a global pandemic, he seems very enthusiastic at the prospect of being the one to share any and all bad news,” explained CMO Tony Holohan.

Christmas flights home remains an unlikely prospect for people living abroad, something the Grinch relayed this morning during his first NPHET briefing.

“OK flights home and easing restrictions – hmmm I’ve looked,” said the Grinch, concluding prospects of a normal Christmas are ‘well and truly fucked’.

Irish people remain hopeful they could potentially wear down the Grinch and his curmudgeonly exterior by appointing him Ireland’s ‘Holiday Cheermeister’, however experts reiterate such efforts may prove futile.

A famously anti-Christmas grump, there are fears within NPHET circles that the new Christmas-hating appointee will actually encourage people to ignore restrictions in the lead up to Christmas in order to not just put Christmas this year in doubt but Christmas 2021 too.

“I hate most Irish people’s love of Christmas, but those of you still meeting in large groups, having parties, not bothering with wearing masks – I think you hate Christmas as much as me, I like you guys,” explained the Grinch.

Holohan, praising recent effort to reduce the R number and adhere to restrictions, concluded the press conference on a positive note:

“But look on the bright side as this year you’ve finally been given a pass, with restrictions your mother can’t drag you to midnight fucking mass”.