CLARIFYING some elements of his speech to the nation last night, Taoiseach Micheál Martin confirmed that the next six weeks of lockdown have to go well if ‘we are to all go absolutely, balls-to-wall Irish-style mental over the Christmas’. “Horsing pints down your gullet like it was a Covid-19 vaccine while your head is squeezed… Read more »
A COMPANY new to the Irish market is offering a service, which involves sending a doppleganger home in your place for the Christmas to endure your complex family dynamics for you, has been forced to hire 100 more staff to cope with increased interest from the public. “We’re out the door at the minute,” shared… Read more »
NORTH Pole-based magical toy distributor Santa Claus has announced that he may be forced to shutter his operation for the foreseeable future, if something isn’t done about the soaring cost of his insurance premiums. Like a lot of businesses Santa has seen his insurance costs soar for years, forcing him to downgrade his cover from… Read more »
THE SWEDISH teenage climate activist admitted the move would understandably upset some people but that the damage done to the environment generated by the making, wrapping and posting of gifts, and the gas-guzzling flights home to loved ones is too severe and must end. The cancellation of the beloved celebrations will come as a blow… Read more »
THE ISPCA has issued its annual warning to parents and gift-givers ahead of Christmas, urging them to reconsider giving their kids dangerous wild lizards such as Komodo dragons, Gila monsters and Asian water monitors as gifts this year. “It may seem like a good idea to give little Johnny or little Una a nine-foot, 200lb… Read more »
DUBLIN WOMAN Joanne Brophy has lodged an appeal and will take her case to the Supreme Court after refusing to accept spending this Christmas with her boyfriend Noel Manley’s family despite previously agreeing to the terms he had set out. It will now be up to the highest court in the land to rule on… Read more »
THE Duke Of Sussex emitted an audible ‘oh for fuck sake’ at this morning’s annual Kris Kringle draw in Buckingham Palace, confirming to all in attendance that he had drawn his under-fire uncle Andrew this year. Prince Harry had been invited to the palace this morning to sort out who was getting who for Christmas,… Read more »
WITH ITS ‘Excitable Edgar’ ad John Lewis has abandoned cynically ‘soppy ads’ used to get the public to buy things they don’t need in favour of a brave and powerful message warning against the rise once more of fascism and far-right extremism. “Obviously, any idiot knows this isn’t about a dragon – it’s a metaphor… Read more »
SINCE the beginning of time brands have been coming up with clever and creative ways to engage with their customers on an emotional level, some using characters like 7up’s Fido Dido, Nestle’s M&M guys and of course, who could forget Ireland’s infamous Saint Patrick character who helped sell billions of cheap Irish merchandise over the… Read more »
WWN was horrified to learn that schools in Dublin, Ireland were forcibly removing Christmas from the minds of children using invasive and painful lobotomies. Reports in the media not only backed this dubious claim up, but added even more unverifiable details which got our undercover reporter Barra Brennan so outraged he rang into the Joe… Read more »