Dad Taking Down Decorations Like It’s The Liberation Of Baghdad

THE children of Sean O’Bilson have been given the price of a trip to the cinema and a warning to not come back to the house until after dark, as the the Waterford man requires absolute concentration to ‘de-Christmas the place’ in one go.

O’Bilson, 46, has checked the weather, cleared his schedule, refrained from alcohol or caffeine and loaded up on podcasts in a bid to strip his house of decorations, get the lights down from outside, bag up the tree and wash the windows in a mission that he calls ‘Operation Cleansing Winterstorm’.

“Oh-eight hundred hours, de-bauble the tree. Christmas lights are to be wrapped around cardboard tubes and labelled for next year. All non-essential Christmas ornaments or items that have outlived their purpose are to be binned, ruthlessly” said Sean, or ‘General O’Bilson’ as he’d like to be referred to today.

“We will not make the mistakes of Christmases past. We will not just say ‘fuck it’ and ball everything up in a heap to worry about next year. We’re going to do this in a surgical fashion, and then do one big hoover and have this place looking like it’s the middle of June by the end of the day”.

O’Bilson’s wife Maureen has also been told that her services are not required today, as wrapping tinsel in the ‘proper’ way is somehow beyond the woman who keeps the house clean the other 364 days of the year.