“JESUS! LORRAINE! Are you trying to kill your father?” said O’Dowd matriarch Patricia as she clutched her crying husband, Derek, close to her chest as he struggled to process the vile venom being spat from the mouth of his youngest daughter.
“You were always my favourite and now you’re coming out with this stuff, are you trying to break my heart?” blubbered Derek in the direction of Lorraine, who moments ago suggested the family look into reducing the meat they eat as part of their Christmas dinner.
“You want to lock your own father up in the meat-eaters gulag the vegan militia run, is it?” added Derek, his chest heaving as he cried out in painful howls of anguish at the thoughts of being robbed of overdosing on turkeys legs and gravy.
Lorraine reiterated for the dozenth time she never used the word ‘vegan’ and simply suggested the family shouldn’t do its annual cooking of enough turkey and ham to feed a senior football team for a month, and that perhaps looking at ‘vegetarian alternatives’ would be an option.
“Do you hate me that much Lorraine? Your own Dad? Why would you do this to me?” Derek cried, as his arteries unclogged at the thoughts of not eating 2 kilos of honey glazed ham.
“What next Lorraine? No carrots for the reindeers ‘cus carrots are sentient beings that feel pain? You’ve ruined this year’s Christmas good and proper. This will be the worst one ever and I don’t say lightly as you know my parents died within in 5 minutes of each other on Christmas day,” concluded a despairing Derek.
We appreciate all the help we can get, become a WWN Patreon Supporter below and gain access to bonus content.Become a Patron!