CONCERNS that the government would be unable to please all people when it comes to indoor dining while also not making it apparent that they’re winging it have been eased by a foolproof new plan that will allow families of all ages to enjoy meals out together very soon. “As established during the year, school… Read more »
FOLLOWING the awful news that children will be allowed to dine indoors with their fully vaccinated parents or guardian, as part of new reopening laws, a group of parents have spoken out, WWN can report. “Hold on a second here, we’re actually fine with our kids not being allowed inside to dine, seriously, let us… Read more »
THE Irish government’s latest attempt to get a deeply flawed Covid Cert system for indoor dining not working by next week at the earliest has been met with a mixed reaction. Fully welcomed by those with vested interests because fuck it they will finally be open, here are the new indoor dining rules in full:… Read more »
AS the nation eases itself back open following an extensive lockdown, concerns have been raised that some practices that were cancelled due to covid may never make a return to their former glory, specifically, the wanton free-for-all that was all-you-can-eat buffet dining. As a return to pub sessions and eating indoors hangs in the balance… Read more »
AFTER months of pleading to loyal customers to give them a dig out during some of the longest business shutdowns in world history, local restaurant The Lamb’s Leg has decided it will no longer cater for home deliveries anymore and to please fuck off asking as they’re too busy with real customers now, thanks. Forced… Read more »
SHOPPERS’ impatience is at a critical boiling point in a local Lidl as local woman Andrea Foley remains completely oblivious to how poorly her painstakingly slow loading of items on the conveyor belt is being received. Moving at a slower pace than a turtle stuck in cement, Foley remains committed to uploading just a single… Read more »
AHEAD of a return to outdoor dining for pubs, cafes and restaurants the government revealed the full range of rules and stipulations which have been met with universal approval from all affected parties, as predicted. WWN can reproduce the rules for dining below in full below: 6 people per table with a maximum combined height… Read more »
A LOCAL ice cream distribution technician is facing up to 5 years in prison for fraud and ’99 ice cream defacement’ after trying to serve customers a 99 fitted with a single finger of chocolate from a Cadburys Twirl in the place of a Flake, amid the Great Flake Shortage of 2021. David Nolan (47)… Read more »
TRAGEDY has struck during routine preparations by local councils looking into the feasibility of conducting a summer of outdoor dining in Ireland, as 60 participants in a test event died of hypothermia amid cloudless skies and blazing Irish sunshine. “It was all going well, they were getting the full force of sweltering single digit temperatures… Read more »
HAVING reached a dangerous tipping point according to local ecologists, authorities have been left with no choice other than to bring in army snipers to cull the nation’s out of control coffee van herd. Growing at what has been described as an exponential rate over the last year, coffee vans are an invasive species changing… Read more »