A LOCAL Waterford man is regretting announcing his recent undertaking of a diet to friends, families and coworkers with huge fanfare as a tub of salted caramel Haagen Daz is now lustily eyeballing him from a freezer in his local Super Valu. “I can’t, stop!” Johnny Hefferty pleaded with the ice cold temptress as his… Read more »
HEALTH experts are looking on at Russia with envy after the news McDonald’s is to permanently exit the market, leaving behind a trail of immediately improving arteries in their wake. “Those lucky Russian bastards just gained an extra 10 years on their lives,” said one dietitian, as they watched McDonald’s pack up millions of litres… Read more »
WITH rumours continuing to circulate in regards to his possible ill health, war crime aficionado Vladimir Putin has been urged to take medical advice from Ireland’s only holders of a PHD in good vibes, the Happy Pear. Having hit the headlines for a podcast which detailed sure fire cancer prevention tips like eating mushrooms, the… Read more »
AS PEOPLE return to normal working hours and routines following the pandemic, so too do they return to hectic evenings of trying to get a dinner on the table for the family that everyone will love and appreciate. But rather than stress about beating rush hour traffic home to have more time to make a… Read more »
A NEW ‘wartime economy’ report has warned of surging prices in pasta, bread and beer over the next number of years, but has added that healthier options such as salads, lentils and tap water should remain vexingly low. With Ukraine and Russia both ranking among the world’s biggest suppliers of wheat and fertiliser, fears are… Read more »
SLICED HAM manufacturers have been put on final notice for their packaging claims with a failure to address concerns seeing them facing a violent uprising the likes of which has never been seen in the history of humanity, WWN has learned. “I’m not saying the person who came up with the phrases ‘peel here’, ‘easy… Read more »
STILL sticking to your new year diet? Well, a new study has shown that it doesn’t really matter anymore, so you can go ahead and continue to eat like an animal for all the difference it makes. The paper, titled ‘The Onset Of A Global Shutdown & Why Your Diet Just Means A Lighter Coffin… Read more »
WITH THE NEWS that Tayto will be ending their naming rights sponsorship deal of ‘Tayto Park’ at the end of this year, those running the park have opened up the new name of the amusement park to the public. Choose from the whittled down list and have your say:
AFTER a rough few weeks where he felt duty-bound to tip service staff and fast-food delivery drivers a decent amount, Waterford man Cathal McPartland can now go back to tipping little to nothing with a completely clear conscience. “Any driver that dropped chips into me over the Christmas got a fiver. A fiver! I wish… Read more »
APPLICANTS for customer-facing roles at a new Waterford burrito bar will require a minimum of one arm completely covered in tattoos, although people with a face-full of piercings will also be favourably considered. “We can’t be the only burrito place in town where the staff all have their natural hair colour” explained Luke Ingleson, owner… Read more »