Tag: food

“Where’s Our Fucking Chips?” Demand Seagulls

THE Irish seagull community has called for emergency chips to be delivered to seaside resorts across the country amid dwindling footfall figures as a direct result of the Covid-19 lockdown. Not used to foraging for food naturally using their basic instincts, the Westernised gulls likened the current climate to a ‘famine’, stating that humans will… Read more »

How To Make A Happy Meal Your Kids Will Think Came Straight From McDonalds!

CORONAVIRUS claimed its biggest casualty of this crisis so far yesterday, with the closure of McDonalds restaurants around the country for the foreseeable future. With access to mass-produced chicken & beef-based fried foods now curtailed, parents find themselves facing into self-isolation with their children for an undetermined amount of time without even their usual ‘be… Read more »

Man’s Hobbies Include Going To Restaurants, Complaining Nonstop About Restaurants

A SELF-CONFESSED ‘foodie’ who spends what little disposal income he has on eating out in restaurants every now and again has confirmed, through his incessant moaning, that his other big passion in life is complaining non-stop about the restaurants he goes to. “You getting that breeze? There’s a breeze coming from the door. Dunno why… Read more »

Fish ‘Very Fishy’, Insists Restaurant Customer

AN INDEPENDENT investigation is underway at a county Limerick restaurant this Monday evening after a portion of fish was reported to have smelled and tasted like fish, WWN can confirm. Staff at The Clam Pot have expressed concern over the unusual case, forcing management to close the establishment temporarily until a full investigation is complete…. Read more »

How Many Energy Drinks Should A Journalist Drink Before They Write A Headline Because We Think We May Have Overdone It Oh God Oh Jesus Christ We Can Hear The Surface Of The Sun

REPORTS that some energy drinks could contain as many as 17 spoons of sugar and twice the caffeine of an espresso have been confirmed by the staff of Waterford Whispers News after a taste-testing session that left the entire writing staff wired for the better part of an entire day and do you know what, it… Read more »

Colombian Coffee Capsule Crop Threatened By Drought

IN COLOMBIA, the coffee capsule harvest threatens to be almost completely destroyed this year due to a severe drought. Farmers have confirmed that the poor growth of the popular capsules have seen them form only miserable, sub-standard aluminum caps. In Ireland, consumers now have to prepare themselves for the arrival of very small coffee capsules… Read more »