Elf Of The Shelf Pinged As Close Contact, Must Isolate For Two Weeks
THOUSANDS of elves are to be removed from thousands of shelves across Ireland after it was revealed that one or more of the little scamps had tested positive for Covid-19.
Parents around the country uttered an unconvincing ‘oh no’ as they bundle their little elves into isolation for 14 days, which will unfortunately mean that kids will not find their little red and white buddies up to increasingly elaborate and Instagram-worthy hijinks every morning.
“We fear that the elves may be the source of the new Kringle variant of the virus, which originated in the North Pole and travelled south in time with the arrival of the festive season” said a spokesperson for NPHET at a hastily-convened anti-elf meeting.
“The problem with these magical beings is that they all share a collective immune system, so if one gets it, the rest are almost certainly infected too. So sorry, all elves will have to be isolated in the attic, or perhaps a bin bag, inside a bin, which is then loaded into the back of a bin lorry. Which is then driven to a dump. Where it is dumped.”
Kids are said to be ‘distraught’ at the removal of their elf buddies, enquiring as to why if the track and trace system was removed from their schools was it still in place for magical pixie beings from the North Pole.