Tories Draw Line At At Covid Passes Rather Than Corruption, Lying, 146k Covid Deaths


RABBLE rousing rebels in the Tory party sensationally voted against Boris Johnson’s introduction of Covid passes for nightclubs and large venues, having deigned their maligned leader to ‘be off his fucking nut if you think we’d let you do that to the British people’.

Unable to be party to a rare Johnson measure enacted with the public’s actual safety in mind, Tory MPs found their back bone and have identified the first flaw in the leader’s much lauded premiership.

“We stage a dozen Christmas parties against restrictions that I was probably at when the public were making sacrifices and say ‘fine’. You don’t turn up to Cobra meetings about Covid, trample over human rights, lie to the Queen, break who knows how many laws and again I say ‘what’s the big deal’. But a Covid pass? Too far,” shared one emotional Tory MP.

“Nearly 150,000 people dead from Covid and what, you expect me to implement a measure which could reduce rising cases and lessen the burden on the NHS? I was with you when you were scrapping the NHS for spare parts but I will always vote against pro-keeping-people-alive measures,” added another Tory MP, who can’t believe his mate wasn’t given first dibs on any lucrative Covid pass contracts.

Tory rebels reiterated that if Johnson needed them to go in front of the media and lie through their teeth about his own lies about previous lies about breaking the law, he could count on them but they will never vote to introduce minor additional checks at venues.

“To throw this ‘vote on Covid pass measures’ nonsense at us when we’ve the serious political work of erasing all photographic and textual evidence we were partying it up last Christmas to be doing just shows how warped Boris’s priorities are now,” shared one MP, tearfully deleting a treasured photo of himself and the boys doing lines in the number 10 toilets.