Local Man’s Mask Caked In Chocolate, Meanies


BLISSFULLY accustomed to the pickled onion twang and hint of musty cocoa air filtering through his now 6-month-old face mask, Waterford man Daniel Rogers continued about his day without a care in the world, happy in the knowledge he was doing his bit for society, WWN reports.

Item one of a ten-pack of masks bought in a service station in March, Rogers’ mask has got him through thick and thin in the last lockdown, vowing to survive yet another lockdown without being washed or aired.

“You can see the air fluttering around it like a road on a hot summer’s day, the waves of scent distorting Daniel’s face like a sickly aura,” work colleague Jacob Ryan told WWN, who admitted to looking forward to going back into lockdown to get away from ‘Daniel’s mobile face nappy’, “I’ve seen cleaner masks on the ground outside; he must have to chisel the thing off him when he gets home every night, and by the looks of it, he keeps it stored in the refuse bin overnight”.

Mask hygiene, a recent first world problem brought on by the pandemic, has not yet being tackled by local or national governments, or even the acid taking producers on RTÉ’s Claire Byrne Live.

“It’s to protect other people from getting Covid,” defended Rogers when pressed on why he has been wearing the same face mask for six whole months, “I’ve kind of gotten used to the conflicting smells it has now, like a child’s comforter at this stage, I can’t sleep without sniffing it,” before concluding, “it’s handy too when you’re too lazy to hold meanies in your hand and get them all salty, just lob a few in the mask before you head out and munch away”.