Government Set Up OnlyFans Account In Bid To Cover Budget Cost


MINISTER for Finance Paschal Donohoe has confirmed that with the country’s paltry rainy day fund no match for the tsunami of pain that comes with a recession, the government will now turn to setting up an OnlyFans account to plug the humongous gaps in the state’s finances.

“It is ours and everyone’s patriotic duty to show a bit of skin and dupe some perverts into handing over some cash, your monumentally, permanently fucking broke country needs you,” a frank Minister Donohoe shared with the public.

OnlyFans, a content subscription service known mostly for young women sharing videos and pictures of themselves in exchange for money from basement dwelling creeps, is now the only viable way for the crippled Irish state and its hobbled economy to generate revenue.

“If OnlyFans and its ilk has proved anything it’s that people love to watch people getting fucked, and boy oh boy let me tell you there’s going to plenty of that in the upcoming budget,” he added.

“We’ve all to do our bit, I know it’s unlikely that people will pay money to see Micheál Martin’s feet pics, or Eamon Ryan eating salad in some lingerie or fuck it, Donnelly lubing up his bald head but we’ve got to try everything,” added the Minister.

Other revenue generating options looked into included asking the Nation to look under their cushions for spare change, but the government rubbished the idea of getting multinational tax-evading corporations to pay their fair share.