WITH WORD circulating that wearing face masks on public transport could become compulsory, WWN took to the streets to garner the Irish public’s opinion on the matter.
The Irish people, famously reserved and reluctant to give their opinion especially on matters they are ill-informed on, were tough to coax reactions from, but WWN did its best and reproduced the most carefully considered non-hyperbolic responses below:
“I can’t wait to wear one, I’m already buzzing at the thought of wearing one and silently mouthing to everyone on a Luas ‘you’re a prick’, ‘and you’re a prick’, ‘well if isn’t the king of the pricks himself'” Sean O’Donnell (22), student and retail worker.
“I was gonna wear one, but now that we’re being told to wear one I might not because I’m naturally unhelpful and stubborn when I’m told to do something” Joanne Kelly (29), mother-of-three children who last washed their hands in early March.
“Good luck trying to get me to wear one, I’ll tell you that for nothing” Brian Dernan (52), husband to wife who will make him wear one so help her God.
“Compulsori? Is he the lad that set up Schillaci’s goal against Ireland in Italia ’90? The bastard” Tom Pursins (61), man who will unintentional infect someone during a second wave before really embracing his inner gobshite and go on to intentionally infect people.
“This is exactly the same thing the Jews went through in WWII, I’m happy to make this direct comparison to their slaughter at the hands of the Nazis. It definitely stacks up, and is very reasonable to say. That’s how bad being asked to wear a face mask on the 15a is” Noel Raskin (52), average person.
“Yeah, I never exaggerate but this definitely like what happened to Jewish people; us being forced to wear masks on public transport like,” Noel Raskin (52) again, not letting this go.
“I’ve read that wearing one vastly reduces the spread of infection, but if health authorities think that makes a difference to my selfish ass, I’ve news for them,” Michael Hartigan (41), owner of FaceMasksIsMindControl.org
“I don’t mean to sound stupid or anything but I sort of get self-conscious when wearing it and sort of forget to breathe. Basically what I’m saying is, I’m a bit of an eejit, anyone else have this problem?” Ronan Curtin (33), working on his breathing.
“Ah yeah, sound. Bought one today,” Jane Kernan (30), Big Face Mask corporate shill who probably lives on top of a 5G tower.
Also important to note at this juncture the face mask information available to us now: when finished with your mask, the best thing to do is just take it off and throw it on the ground like it was any other piece of litter. You can also do this with your gloves.
Communication while wearing your mask may prove difficult. Non-experts advise you simply take your mask off while dealing with shop assistants, or just pull it down, talk, then pull it back up again. It’s all basically the same.
Elderly people; it’s most important for you to wear masks. Therefore, it’s vital that you invoke the ‘it’ll be grand’ rule, and don’t bother.