Local Man Can’t Believe He’s Actually Looking Forward To Going To IKEA

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“LOOK at me, I’m blubbering like a little child” sobbed Finglas man Warren Ericson, overcome with emotion at the news that IKEA are to re-open their Dublin stores as part of Ireland’s first phase of easing Covid-19 restrictions.

The Swedish furniture giants are among the first stores to open their doors again due to being listed as ‘an essential business to keep jobs in the country’, leaving 38-year-old Ericson is perplexed at the waves of emotion washing over him right now.

“I can’t explain it. I fucking hate IKEA” said Warren, heading out to camp at the doors of the Ballymun store in a bid to be the first person in.

“I hate the place, can’t stand it. Any time in the past when the missus says she needs us to go, I’d argue and grouse and fight and do everything I could to not go. I remember one time I dove out of the car as we were driving down the M50. But after nearly three months in isolation, I’m raring to get in and buy a Billy bookcase that I don’t even need!”

Like most businesses opening on Monday, IKEA have stressed that customers are in for a much-changed experience in-store, with additional safety measures and strict social distancing guidelines; something that Ericson has yet to consider in his emotionally-charged morning.

“I wonder will they have meatballs back” beamed Ericson, getting his allen keys ready.

As part of the new guidelines IKEA have stressed that only one household member is allowed in store at a time, although they have a specially-designated ‘argument zone’ in the car park for couples to have a big row in.

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