Junior Cert Student Didn’t Give A Fuck To Begin With

EVERYTHING appears to have worked out nicely for Waterford Junior cert student Michael Hallington, who entered 2020 not giving a fiddler’s about the examinations and who now looks set to coast through a nice easy summer of doing fuck all.

Hallington is among thousands of young teenagers who will receive ‘certificates of completion’ instead of actual Junior Cert grades, leaving thousands of mothers across Ireland completely unable to compare their respective kids’ results against one another.

With failure in all 8 of his subjects ‘pretty much guaranteed’ heading into exams season, the 15-year-old Waterford youth is thanking the stars above for sending the Coronavirus to Ireland, and has added that the cancellation of his exams has also had other benefits.

“Finally, I have an excuse to be a moody little shit for the whole summer,” beamed Michael, on day 17 of not washing.

“I can tell everyone that I’m just so broken up because the exams meant so much to me, and that I’m just so lost without a proper educational structure to guide me; in actual fact, I didn’t give a bollocks about those exams, and I’m only delighted that my mam doesn’t have something she can wreck my head over. Nice one, virus. Love it!”

Hallington also added that the Coronavirus restrictions has also done away with pressure on him to get a summer job, and that it’s “almost reckless” if he doesn’t spend the next 16 weeks in his room playing FIFA and pulling himself.