America Asked If They Really, Really Need Their Grandparents


EAGER to re-open the world’s greatest economy despite mounting evidence that the Coronavirus pandemic has yet to reach its peak, the US government has asked its citizens to ‘assess the value’ of the elderly and ill in their communities.

“Your grandmom might give you, what, ten dollars on your birthday?” asked a spokesperson for the White House’s ‘Who Needs Grandparents?’ committee.

“But if you worked in your job, well, buddy, you could make easily more than that every week! Doesn’t it make sense? What would you rather have, a job or gramps?”

The move to ease up on Covid-19 restrictions was seconded by huge numbers of Trump supporters, who are eager to get back to their daily lives which were free from Coronavirus a month ago, and damn it, should be free from Coronavirus now.

“I’m a life-long Republican and a proud American patriot, so I don’t see why we should back down and surrender to this foreign virus” said one Ohio native at yesterday’s pro-Trump, anti-Grandparent protest yesterday.

“I love my country, and I love my family. But if you were to ask me which I love the most; going to work in a minimum wage job so that I can pay taxes and die without health insurance, or my 94-year-old diabetic grandfather who’s at high risk of contracting Covid-19? Well, it’d be a case of so long Pops, thanks for the fishing lessons. but you had a good run, and there’s no reason why the DOW Jones has to suffer for you”.

When asked if he would be one of the nation’s grandparent’s to die, President Trump strenuously denied having any grandchildren, despite them standing right there.