Man Becomes Fluent In Spanish, Completes Physics Degree & Learns To Code While Patiently Waiting For Covid-19 Test Result


A LOCAL Dublin man has put the seemingly infinite time between being tested for the Covid-19 and receiving his results to good use, WWN can report.

James Dorrins (49) had attend his local testing centre by appointment what feels like several centuries ago when first developing a persistent cough, but instead of going insane by pouring over confusing and inconsistent information that has emanated from authorities in terms of testing processing and rationale, he’s devoted his time elsewhere.

“Like anyone else in my situation I’m quarantining, but I figure while I wait for anywhere between 10 days to 3 millennia for the results I should make use of the time,” Dorrins said in flawless Spanish, which sits among the Japanese, French and Swahili he has already mastered while waiting.

“People are saying ‘fair play’ to me for getting the physics degree, learning to code, rebuilding the house and becoming a qualified brain surgeon but sure what else would you be doing with the waiting time?” added the enterprising Dorrins, who retrained as a priest too on the off chance he has to administer the last rites to himself.

In what might come as a relief to those waiting on their results a phoneline has been set up which puts people waiting and worried in touch with people who will scream about how actually per captia testing rates in Ireland are good to help alleviate all fears.

Likewise, those commenting online with clearly made up anecdotes about a friend who had trek to the Antartic for a test despite having all the symptoms, including exploding eyeballs and ‘machine gun’ diarrhea, have been told to direct their information to the nearest bin.