Office Desk-Tapper Has Arms Broken As Warning To Others


THE staff at Waterford estate agency McGrimmon & Associates have stealthily gathered at the desk of Rory Haskill, where he sits with his headphones on, drumming away on his work surface with a pen, completely oblivious as to what is about to occur.

Haskill, 27, is mindlessly tapping away at his desk, lost to his idle imagination, completely unaware that his co-workers are approaching, armed with socks stuffed with staplers and loose change, ready to enact a terrible revenge.

As the young trainee estate agent’s fingers bang on the surface of his desktop, from behind him, they strike.

Senior partner Helen Devlin is first; casting a belt around young Haskill’s neck, pulling him backwards into his office chair.

Either side of him, Derek Goodwich and Alan Willians grab him by the legs, pinning Haskill to the chair. He claws at the belt around his neck, struggling to breathe. It is the first time since he started at the agency in 2018, that he is not tapping his fingers on something.

His arms are pulled out onto the desk in front of him, and blow after blow rain down on them. The heavy office staplers in socks make an ideal cudgel, whacking into Haskill’s forearms and hands. Save for the unfortunate desk-tapper’s whimpers, nobody makes a sound.

And as quickly as the assault began, it is over.

Haskill collapses to the ground, clutching his broken arms to his chest, sobbing pitifully. Everyone else returns to their desks, soundlessly. Work recommences. Houses are sold. Someone hands Haskill his phone and tells him to ring himself an ambulance, get sorted out, and be back at work by tomorrow.

Across the office, the message is clear. McGrimmon & Associates is not a place where tapping on your desk all day is permitted.

Account director Sean Hoolan, a noted foot tapper, grows nervous.