New Pretendy Slow Downy Places Launched Today

MORE than 900 new pretendy slow downy places will come into operation today across the country and will be enforced by speed camera operator, GoSafe, WWN can confirm.

Motorists have been advised to double check headlights to ensure they can flash approaching motorists coming the opposite way in a bid to warn them to pretendy slow down for a bit before tearing off again.

In a statement, An Garda Síochána said the 900 extra zones are being introduced “just to piss off everyone driving”.

“It’s just a money racket that ourselves, GoSafe, the RSA and the government have going,” admitted a Garda spokesperson today, “we couldn’t give a shit about the hundreds of lives speed camera zones save every year”.

The new pretendy slow downy zones are to be placed in all the best spots for putting the foot down, leaving thousands of motorists outraged.

“Where am I supposed to put the foot down now?” asked Audi A7 owner Tony Phelan, who likes to overtake a lot to show everyone how fast his 3 litre turbo diesel quattro is, “why aren’t they out catching real criminals?”

In a strive for balance, the RSA announced 1,500 drive as fast as you like zones.