Sepp Blatter Announced As New FAI CEO

THE FAI turned to Sepp Blatter after their favoured candidate John Foley, formerly of Athletics Ireland, withdrew himself from consideration at the last minute. Despite the short notice former FIFA chief Blatter was delighted to take up the role and his appointment marks a clear departure from the financially murky John Delaney era.

The in-no-way-disgraced former head of FIFA, Blatter is a byword for transparent leadership, something the FAI clearly needs after the outsized ego and largesse of Delaney’s tenure.

“When I heard the organisation spent €69,000 on John’s birthday at one stage, I thought, wow, the FAI would be a perfect fit for me,” confirmed Blatter as he instructed FAI staff to remove Delaney’s gold throne from his new digs.

“This is a new era of increased oversight. Prudent financial decisions. I couldn’t in good conscience have that throne in my office, it’s obscene,” added Blatter as he ushered a more understated diamond encrusted chair into his office.

“I’m very happy to join the FAI,” Blatter beamed as he took a hammer to the walls of the FAI campus, in search of the location of the €5 million payment FIFA gave the FAI in the wake of the Thierry Henry handball saga.

With the FAI now in safe hands, Sports Ireland are expected to reinstate funding to the organisation in the coming days, and in other good news Ireland’s chances of hosting a World Cup in the dead of winter in the a flood soaked Burren have increased dramatically overnight.

“Where’s the staionery cupboard, I just need a few brown envelopes,” Blatter inquired, as he set about restoring confidence and trust in the beleaguered football association.