Alternative Ways To Pay For Your Student Accommodation

Facebook Share Share
Twitter Share
Flipboard Share
Reddit Share
SHARES

AS STUDENTS are faced yet again with the prospect of the continued rise in cost of free education in Ireland, many will be scrambling around in search of accommodation they can’t afford.

Saddened by the reality of third level education in Ireland, WWN has sought to provide students with alternative ways of paying for accommodation when your current status is ‘how the fuck do they think I can afford this shit’?

Take Fine Gael’s advice

The ruling government party are on top of things thankfully. Minister for Higher Education Mary Mitchell O’Connor suggested using your grant to pay for your student accommodation silly. Turns out you were fussing over nothing.

Phew! We were worried for you there for a second but Fine Gael have solved it all. We’re sure the fact that SUSI grants are routinely paid late and months into the academic year won’t be a problem.

Nor will the fact that students are looking at €1,000 a month rent and the max grant administered is €6,000, and not all students are eligible for a SUSI grant.

We used the same calculator as Fine Gael and can confirm that €6,000 less 9 months rents at €1,000 plus the cost of travel, food and books leaves you with €100,000.

Mam and Dad

Everyone has wealthy parents so honestly, the fact you students were even moaning in the first place is astonishing.

Oh great, more Fine Gael advice

If you were worried Fine Gael were out of touch, you’re about to be put in your place because the literal Minister for Education Joe McHugh suggested that if you’re too poor to move up to Dublin, Cork or Galway for that course you think will be the key to your future career and help lift you out of a poverty trap then how about just not going? Not going would cost you zero euro. You don’t even have to pay anything!

This Minister McHugh sounds like he’s got a good grasp on education.

Try living in the real world

That’s right, here you have a very clear and identifiable problem highlighting how over time more and more young people will be struggling financially to afford ‘free education’ however, society has some news for you; welcome to the real world and stop being so lazy because back in your parents’ day you had to lie naked on broken glass during lectures after hiking 40 miles in the snow while being chased by rabid dogs.

You should get a job with full time hours so you can afford the cost of going to college, college which you’ll miss because you have to work full time to afford it.

Nice try, you said you couldn’t afford it but you’ve just bought a beer

You idiot students, claiming you can’t afford €1,000 euro a month in rent but then what’s this, you bought a beer for €5? Nice one, trying to pull the wool over our taxpaying eyes.

Look we all knew this article was going to involve advice on selling your body in some shape or form so here it is

You knew it, we knew it. Prostitution, sugar daddies, selling organs on the black market. You name it, they’re your only options. Not in a ‘haha’ way, more in a ‘no, this is basically the only option’ plus it’ll come in handy for your thesis on the state of the Irish education system in a few years.

ONE MORE THING: Like what WWN does and think Satire (known in Ireland as 'taking the piss') is worth supporting as we face the threat of legal action, the permanently offended and 'Big Tech'?

We're not arrogant enough to think we make the world a better place (that's the job of megalomaniacal dictators) but a small contribution of €5/$5 a month from readers can enable us to keep doing what we're doing, and what's more is we'll give exclusive bonus content and offers to our supporters.

WWN's least favourite phrase in the English language is 'they only love you when you're gone' so help keep us going if you can.

Signing up is easy and done HERE.
Comments ( 1 )
Share what you think.
Facebook Share Share
Twitter Share
Flipboard Share
Reddit Share