THE United Nations along with NATO and dozens of world leaders have today congratulated 58-year-old Michael O’Riordan for single handedly pressuring Benjamin Netanyahu’s decision today to finally recognise Palestine as a sovereign state, putting an end to decades of land grabbing and conflict.
Following nine years of relentless tweets, Facebook posts and lengthy debates in internet comment sections and anti-Israeli forums, the Waterford man was hailed as a hero the world over for his persistent sharing of Israeli crimes, which in turn forced the Jewish leader to make a complete u-turn on Palestine.
“From today, Israel and its partners across the world will now officially recognise the Palestinian state and begin the process of handing back any settlements we have taken over the past 60 years,” Mr. Netanyahu stated at a televised press conference today announcing the shocking truce. “After seeing thousands of social media posts of our heinous and horrible crimes committed on the Palestinian people, I have no other option but to admit this country’s wrongdoings over the years, and I would like to thank Irishman Michael O’Riordan for pointing it out to us”.
In an emotional speech, Benjamin Netanyahu held up several of Michael’s graphic Facebook posts, some of which depicted dead children who were apparently killed by the Israeli regime.
“Until accidentally seeing Michael’s posts while looking through some Mossad files, I had no idea of the devastation and hurt we have caused,” Netanyahu added, now sobbing uncontrollably, “thankfully we’ve been shown the error of our ways and we can start building a brighter future together for our two beautiful states and live in peace and harmony for the remainder of our co-existence”.
Speaking from his flat in Waterford city earlier, Michael O’Riordan welcomed the news, stating that he always knew that someday his online posting would pay off.
“Fucking knew it would work,” O’Riordan insisted, “you can only get away with that shite for so long before everyone starts saying ‘hey, that’s cat boy!’, ya know what I mean?”
The part-time taxi driver said he will now focus his attention on other illegal occupations around the world in a bid to sort them out.
“Give me another few years at this craic and we’ll have world peace,” O’Riordan promised, now looking up Afghanistan’s Wiki page.
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