Taoiseach Immediately Gives Into Social Media Team’s Pay Demands


TAKING some time out from telling midwives, psychiatric nurses, paramedics, teachers and search and rescue workers that it is intensely selfish to ask for a pay rise, the Taoiseach wasted no time in immediately giving a pay rise of 750% to those responsible for cultivating his image online.

“Please. Take what you want just don’t leave me,” a teary-eyed Taoiseach told his official selfie advisers who threatened strike 12 seconds ago.

Averting the need for strike action, the Taoiseach spoke movingly about the need to have pay for workers who are most essential to the country rise to such levels that they are no longer on the edges of poverty, a complete U-turn and his previous statement to frontline workers which stopped short of ‘fuck you’.

“Some exceptions must be made,” confirmed the Taoiseach as he threw large bundles of cash at his social media team without having run it by the Minister for Finance, despite previously stating that were a pay increase green lit for one group an apocalyptic flood of people being paid enough to live on would follow.

A stunned social media team began gathering up the piles of cash before handing it back to the Taoiseach, now a visible nervous wreck.

“Taoiseach, we were just looking for an extra long lunch today,” explained one of 10 dedicated hashtag identifiers and casual off-the-cuff selfie stagers.

Crying too loudly to hear his staff explain this was all a big misunderstanding the Taoiseach quadrupled his initial offer funding it by diverting some of the overspend on the Childrens Hospital.