“I Have No Strong Feelings About The Referendum, Due To Being Dead”


CURRENTLY dead 1916 revolution leader Padraig Pearse has stepped forward to clarify his position on the upcoming referendum to repeal the 8th amendment, stating that he will leave the decision in the hands of those who are currently alive, namely the women and men of Ireland today.

Although his image has recently been used on a number of pro-life posters that claim the Dublin man and his fellow revolutionaries would want voters to ‘cherish all the children’, Pearse, who recently celebrated his 100th year of being dead, insists that he really has no say on the matter.

Although not willing to speak for his fellow proclamation signatories who appear on the pro-life posters, Pearse was willing to suggest that they too don’t have much to say when it comes to women’s reproductive rights, due to being equally if not even more dead than he is.

“I understand that for a lot of Irish people, the opinions of dead men count more than the opinions of living women,” said Pearse, but not really because he is quite dead.

“But look, as as a dead person, I can’t really control what people do with my image. So if they want to put me on a poster and claim that I was all for shipping pregnant women over to England for abortions, well, what can I do about it? Haunt them? I’m kinda limited to just lying here in the grave, like. But voters, look, you can decide for yourself what you want for Ireland. It’s not up to me. Once again, I am dead”.

Pearse wrapped up his repeal conversation to move onto more pressing matters, such as a local electrical goods outlet that is currently using his image to sell low-price fridge freezers that claim to be as ‘revolutionary as this man’.