Boxing Day To Be Renamed St. Stephen’s Day Under Brexit Rule
UK residents have reacted in fury at a number of Brexit clauses included in the deal that prevented a hard border between Northern Ireland and the Republic, most notably the condition that Boxing Day must be known as St. Stephen’s Day from now on.
The revelation, which was buried in the small print of a 900-page document titled ‘Hoops The Brits Have To Jump Through To Avoid Being Annihilated By The EU’, was only discovered when copies of the Christmas edition of the Radio Times were found to contain listings for ‘St. Stephen’s Day’ instead of Boxing Day, as well as the Premier League website switching all fixtures on the 26th December to ‘Stephen’s Day’.
The Conservative government has appealed for calm from the British people, stating that in order for Britain to be in complete control of everything it does with no interference by a foreign body, a deal had to be made where they had no choice but to accept huge amounts of interference from a foreign body.
“Look, we had to make a deal, and quick,” sighed Theresa May, who just doesn’t care at this stage.
“The border deal with Northern Ireland threatened to scupper our plans to scupper ourselves, so we had to give concessions to the Irish. There’s pages and pages of this stuff. So, it’s Stephen’s Day now. We’ll also be celebrating St. Patrick’s Day in a big, big way from now on. And also, Nigella Lawson is to do a half-hour special on how to make coddle, whatever that is”.
Leo Varadkar was unavailable for comment on the matter, but sources close to the Taoiseach have leaked that he is taking a ‘be thankful it’s not worse’ attitude to the laments of the British.