Denis O’Brien’s Communicorp Makes Bid For Paradise Papers

FURTHER expanding his ever expanding media empire, Denis O’Brien, through Communicorp, has set his sights on an obscure newspaper by the name of Paradise Papers.

Less than a week in operation, Paradise Papers, a publication which is wholly tax compliant, was said to have gained the interest of several wealthy figures who realised if they bought it, they could also shut it down. O’Brien, however, is said to be interested in the papers because he really likes newspapers, radio stations, regional newspapers, regional radio stations and parish newsletters.

“No one is under any obligation to justify their purchase of a media outlet, which is what Paradise Papers is, and not a trove of damaging leaks relating to the financial manoeuvres of some of the world’s rich and famous. It is a perfectly normal media acquisition if you ask me,” explained one media analyst who admitted he wasn’t all that interested in being hauled before the courts by a multi-billionaire.

People with inside knowledge of the bid have suggested the paper will be bought with funds deposited in an account in the Isle of Man by one man, before another individual then uses that money to pay someone else, thus removing any suspicion that the purchase is less than perfectly legal and above board.

“Look some people love journalism so much they will just keep buying publications so they can collect all their favourite news – it’s like finishing a Premier League sticker album, but for billionaires,” explained another media analyst, who believes he said nothing libellous, thank God.

In completely unrelated news, the public fears for the safety, health and whereabouts of the inquiry into Denis O’Brien’s purchase of Siteserv from IBRC which hasn’t been seen or heard from in over two years.