Minister For Housing Incredibly Pleased With Minister For Housing

MINISTER for Housing Eoghan Murphy has given himself the rest of the day off in recognition of the sterling work being done by Minister for Housing Eoghan Murphy.

The Dublin Bay South TD appeared on the Sean O’Rourke show on RTÉ this morning, where he proudly discussed the infinitesimally small drop in homelessness figures, dismissed the idea that legislation could be changed to prevent landlords from evicting tenants so they can ‘move a family member into the property’, then slapped his hands together and declared that it was ‘pint o’clock’.

With almost everyone in the country delighted with the fact that there’s only 8,374 people currently homeless, with 3,124 of those being children, Murphy has found himself with a ‘bit of a spring in his step’ these days, with Dáil sources confirming that the 35-year-old regularly stops at mirrors to give himself the finger guns before moving on.

“Eoghan is just really, really pleased with Eoghan” said a source close to the TD.

“And he really is rocking and rolling at the minute to do what he can, which is fuck all in fairness due to the legislation that’s in place that allows landlords to evict tenants as and when they see fit. But come on, you can’t expect Murphy to do anything about that… what do you think he is? A publicly-appointed minister in charge of those things? Give him a break, let him celebrate his wins”.

Further investigation has revealed that Murphy has big plans for what to do about homelessness for at least the next six months, until it hopefully becomes someone else’s problem in a cabinet reshuffle.