Christ In Critical Condition After Bike Accident


AVID cyclist Jesus Christ has been rushed to hospital with severe injuries after ploughing his ten-speed racer into the back of a family saloon during rush hour this morning.

Shocked eyewitnesses posed for selfies at the grisly scene, as emergency service workers attended to the wounds of Our Lord And Saviour Jesus Christ, following the sickening collision at 8.45am.

Although many expressed concern for the wellbeing of the Lamb Of God, many criticised his actions prior to the crash, with many claiming that JC was not concentrating on the road when the smash occurred.

“I yelled hi, Christ On A Bike, watch yourself” said one onlooker, who bore firsthand witness to Our Lord’s hardship on the crossroad.

“He was going way too fast, weaving in and out through traffic, fuckin’ texting, so he was… and then smash. All these deities on bicycles are a menace in the city. You can’t keep up with them. Just the other week a bus nearly mounted the footpath trying to avoid Buddha On A BMX”.

Emergency service workers have yet to ascertain the extent of Jesus’ injuries, following initial confusion about pre-existing holes in his hands and his sides and a complete lack of a pulse.