“We’re Really Sorry We Got Caught” Tracker Banks Finally Apologise


VOWING to learn from their mistakes, Ireland’s leading financial institutes have confirmed that in the aftermath of the scandalous way they have treated customers affected by the tracker mortgage scandal, they are truly sorry they were caught.

“We resolve to ensure the next scandal we undertake is much harder for the average joe to bring to the attention of the wider Irish public,” read a statement, seemingly from the banks involved in the long running tracker scandal which has led to the financial ruin of many innocent people.

The banks embroiled in the scandal have been accused of stonewalling efforts by customers to recoup money they were wrongly charged when taken off tracker mortgages, however, the apology issued has gone a long way to resolving the dispute.

“Look, we even put a sadface emoji in the statement,” confirmed one bank executive, who promptly went back to giving no thought to how his questionable conduct affected people.

Meanwhile, the government praised the bank’s apology.

“We now see no reason why the garda fraud squad should be involved in any way, did you not hear they said sorry? Saying sorry means everything is okay now, so really, you don’t want to see good rich people who might have broken the law go to prison, prison is for poor people,” confirmed Taoiseach Varadkar during a ceremony which saw several heads of banks receive medals for services to humanities.