Idiot Pedestrian Thinks Speed Bump Is Zebra Crossing


LOCAL moron Philip Dalton is continuing to be a menace to himself and motorists this afternoon while standing patiently at a speed bump, waiting to be left cross the street by motorists.

“Uh, hello?” Dalton shouted, pointing at a speed hump near his home to a passing car, “white markings on the ground, cars slow down as they approach; that’s clearly a place for me to cross, duh! Some people shouldn’t be behind the wheel”.

“I can’t see why drivers keep beeping at me when I walk out in front of them. Don’t they know how zebra crossings work?” he posed.

Motorists in the area confirmed they are very familiar with Dalton’s confusion about what and where is a safe place to cross, and are frequently heard yelling at ‘that fucking idiot’ to get off the road before he becomes part of it.

“You’d be driving along, slowing down for a ramp, and then this tool just wanders out in front of your car, looking the other way as if he’s in the right,” said one white van driver we spoke to, “I’d like to tell him it’s not a pedestrian crossing, but then I’d have nothing to give out about”.

Despite regularly using all four speed bumps on his street as pedestrian crossings, Dalton continues to live an accident free life, happy with the concept that he is right, and the rest of the living world is wrong.