Nation Launches Appeal To Collison Brothers For A Few Quid


LIMERICK entrepreneurs the Collison brothers are today dealing with an avalanche of requests from the entire country for ‘a few quid’, after becoming the youngest billionaires in ireland.

Patrick and John Collison, said to be ‘doing well for themselves at computers or something’, saw the valuation of their company Stripe rise to 9bn dollars following a substantial investment by a division of Google in the last round of funding.

Following the news of the brothers’ success, Irish people have put aside their natural begrudgery against the Collisons in favour of attempts to get on their good side, to see if maybe their was any money going spare at all.

“When they first started to get rich, of course I immediately accused them of probably selling drugs on the side,” said one local man, writing a letter to the Collisons as if they were Santy.

“But now it seems they just got lucky. So yeah, a billion apiece, that’s a lot of money… if they’ve any going spare, I’d find a home for it. Not much like, just the price of a house if it’s going, sure didn’t I always say the Collisons were sound?”.

Meanwhile Minister for Finance Michael Noonan has announced that next year’s budget will be a windfall for Ireland, as he’s sure that his fellow Limerick men will ‘sort him out’ when he asks them.