Dunnes Stores To Open ‘Notions’ Aisle

RENOVATIONS have begun at branches of Dunnes Stores across the country, in a bid to install new aisles selling products with notions.

Dunnes has been on the receiving end of serious notions in recent times, in an attempt to change their image as ‘a slightly nicer Penneys’ to one more along the lines of ‘a way rougher Marks & Spencer’.

The inclusion of several new lines of clothing, homewares and food, including a €900 designer coat, has necessitated the building of a new ‘notions’ wing of all Dunnes branches across the country, despite concerns that people shopping in Dunnes may not be there to spend anywhere near that kind of money.

“I don’t think I’ve spent €900 in Dunnes in my life, collectively, let alone in one go,” said one customer we interviewed, browsing the quail section of her local Dunnes in Athlone.

“Dunnes are for tracksuit bottoms and onesies and for socks, if Penneys don’t have the kind of socks you want. I just came in here for a rotisserie chicken and a cup of wedges if I’m honest”.

Meanwhile, officials at Dunnes have responded to questions about whether or not their staff will be receiving pay and conditions to match the pricey new ‘Notions’ range with howls of laughter.