8 Lies Everyone Tells Their Best Friend


BEST friends! Everyone has one, and the ones that don’t lie about having one anyway.

You can always rely on them, they’re there for you every step of the way. But did you know best friends sometimes have to tell gentle, white lies now and again. Read on below to see if you have been fed one of these porkies:

“You look like a bag of shite, wrapped in a shit sandwich, encased in a shit brick that was riddled with bullets and beaten to a pulp by a crowbar”

Often it can be tempting to sugar coat the fact your bestie ain’t looking their best. Don’t lie to them and tell them they look like a shit sandwich, when they clearly look like a cross between Jabba the Hut and head on traffic collision.

“You’re better off without him/her”

Have you uttered these words to a best friend, or have they been imparted to you after a bad break up? Well, the cat is out of the bag as statistics show you are fucking useless on your own, so honestly, it’s as bad as you think it is, and yes you’re as unlovable as you thought, owing largely to the previous point above.

“Michael Jackson didn’t fiddle any kids”

Go away out of that.

“Don’t listen to the haters, I think you’re amazing”

Unless you are a celebrity on the scale of Kanye West or Kim Kardashian, you don’t have ‘haters’, you just have a series of people who openly call you a shite hawk in the comments below your latest Facebook profile picture, and you know what, contrary to the lies peddled by your one true friend, those ‘haters’ might be right. And no, you’re not amazing, if you were, you’d have a much cooler best friend for starters.

“If I wasn’t straight I’d totally pump you full of my love juice”

Lies! Mainly down to the fact that  they aren’t straight and have been secretly smelling your hair and watching you sleep for years. Your best friend may have even considered wearing your skin as a coat, but the jury is still out as to whether this is endearing bestie behaviour or something more sinister.

“OMG hahahaha, click on this, this is so you”

Honestly, it fucking isn’t. ‘So you’ is pissing yourself on the bus home from the 4th class school tour of the Coca Cola factory all because you were too afraid to ask Mrs. Costello to stop the bus. So unless that link is specifically about your pathetic displays in school, it most definitely is not ‘so you’.

“Look, we don’t know all the information, but Hilary is still the best option out of the two of them”

A best friend will often attempt to have meaningful conversations about things that have a real importance in the world, but to avoid risking coming across like a gormless fool who doesn’t know anything about anything they will often pretend to have their shit together, even though they only spell Hillary with one ‘l’.

“I believe in you”

Look, you get the picture at the stage, your close unbreakable bond is made from delicate and fragile glass that could smash into tiny pieces at any moment.